What is a father?Part of being a father, for me, is knowing where to draw boundaries.
Boundaries for Corrina, but more importantly, boundaries for myself. Because so much of her development is influenced by what I model with my own behavior. What I reverberate, she picks up and learns to transmit.
Shadow included. (gulp)
The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate. ~Douglas Engelbart
Now, there’s a part of me will always be a 22 year old. Like Huck Finn on Dead Tour, deep down, I’ll always have a desire to hit the road and explore the world. Especially with friends.
Last weekend, Corrina & I went camping in Ithaca (rated one of the top 10 places in the world to drop out of “society” by Outsider magazine). It was perfect weather, and we were totally in the flow - the kind of flow that only happens on road trips!My friend Teresa and her daughter Corina shared the adventure with us. We made a weekend of waterfall walking, gourmet hippie cuisine - it’s great to see the girls trying things they’ve never had before, and loving them! - swimming, blackberry picking, hiking, crystals & best friend pendants and a dozen silver dollar sized, vegan pancakes down by the river with baby ducks to feed... it was heaven.
A strong man and a waterfall always channel their own path. ~Anonymous
The waterfall walking was, by far, my favorite part. The 3/4 mile hike through the gorge is magnificent. Shale walls forever crumble inward toward the limestone creek-bed. All along the way there were small waterfalls where the girls would wash and “recharge” their new amethyst crystals - a gift from Teresa.
We reached Toughanock Falls at dusk, after everyone else had shied away.
A “Do Not Enter” sign hung from the foot-bridge 50 yards from the plummeting water.
We decided to brave it, taking responsibility for our choices.
Corrina and I often talk about the paradoxical “Circle of Freedom and Responsibility” and how making good choices, even when difficult, will get her more freedom - with me, and in life.
A “Do Not Enter” sign hung from the foot-bridge 50 yards from the plummeting water.
We decided to brave it, taking responsibility for our choices.
Corrina and I often talk about the paradoxical “Circle of Freedom and Responsibility” and how making good choices, even when difficult, will get her more freedom - with me, and in life.
I hung back with the girls, while Teresa ventured right up to the 200-foot falls with the kids’ crystals - named Shimmer & Shine - in her pocket. She came back drenched! We all had a good time.
The next day, leaving town, we stopped by the lower falls. A few brave souls were leaping from the 30-35 foot drop of limestone. I got it in my mind to try that.
The next day, leaving town, we stopped by the lower falls. A few brave souls were leaping from the 30-35 foot drop of limestone. I got it in my mind to try that.
“Don’t Die Wondering" has been my motto for some time, now. And it's served me well... to a point.
Naturally, Corrina protested. I told her I ‘heard’ her and motioned to move on with our adventure. We skipped some excellent shale stones on the shore as the jumpers waded to our end of the pool to exit. Corrina reiterated her fear and I hugged her and told her I heard her. Of course, I’m not all punch and pie... the third or fourth time she brought it up I shut her down, told her I had heard her and that I would get angry if she brought it up again.
What is uttered from the heart alone, Will win the hearts of others to your own. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We all got in the water - fully clothed - planning to change back at the car. I decided I was gonna teach Corrina a lesson in physics (there’s magic in ledge-jumping... you land further forward than your mind can project since you aren’t used to the additional 20-30 feet of drop) and in “feeling the fear and doing it anyway.”
Since it was right there in front of me I began my ascent, climbing up the pile of falling water over majestic, mossy boulders of the lower falls. Every step and finger-hold was blessed by some magical intuition that I wouldn’t fall and die (this was a harrowing mindfulness practice). At the top I thanked the terra firma and reflected on the day prior, where we had followed the riverbed to the source. I thought about my Source, and I thought about my death. Jumping from heights is not something I do often. Ever, really. Not once, actually, have I ever jumped from heights above 6-7 feet.
In fact, I’m terrified of heights. Not fear that I will fall... but that I will jump. So this seemed like the right thing to do. Face my death. Cuz I’m a spiritual warrior... and shit...
An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it. ~JFK
So, I peered over the edge of the drop-off. The girls were on the shore opposite me, camera in hand. I turned to the source and I closed my eyes, stood tall, stretching in the sun, and considered the man I’ve been up to that point. Then I felt into my back-body and I thought of my impending “death” and the man I would be, walking up onto that shore. Proving to my frightened little girl that I’m a man, I tackle challenges like they’re munchkins, or face a part of myself that other kids’ fathers won’t face... I wondered what new pattern this would kick-off for me as a father, as a man. It got me pumped, so I turned to face death.
I walked down to the place everyone had jumped from, and peered over the edge looking for the right place to land. Corrina had turned away. She sat sulking on a stone, facing the other direction. It made me sad that she might miss my moment of raging glory, tearing through the veil of fear, seeing into the heart of my own masculinity...
So, there it was... my moment of departure. Camera girl giving me a thumbs up. Teresa arrived from below to see me off. I rocked back and forth, dialing up my adrenaline, revving my testosterone, thinking how smart I was for not just exploding my circuits, but workin up to it...
And there’s Corrina looking up at me, shoulders slumped forward, pouty lips and a fluttering heart...
Everything was lined up. My trajectory was plotted. I was tuning into my intuition, feeling whether I needed to be cocked a little more this way or that... I was just gonna trust it. Trust myself. When I felt like it was right, I’d let my gut carry me into the fleeting moment of abyss, sweep me into my next life-time. My next incarnation...
And Corrina.
And Corrina.
Thoughts bucked through my mind. “It’s scary, yes, but I know I can push myself through my fear.” “I can always come back and do it with my buddies.” “If I don’t do this, what will it say about me?” “No, I have to do it! I said I was gonna do it, and here I go... dammit!”I felt into my heart. My intuition slowed me down. I followed it. I did what I felt.
I sat down.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with those who are reckless with yours. ~Mary Schmich
After a few minutes Teresa sits next to me and, like the incredibly powerful woman she is, puts words to what I’m realizing for the first time in my life. By letting Corrina know her heart is more important to me than my transient adventures and epiphanies, however spiritual they may seem, I’m setting a pattern in motion in her that will alter the course of her life.
And mine. When I got to the bottom of the rock formation Corrina was waiting for me on the other side of the stream.
We met in the middle and she held me in an extra-long, extra-silent hug.
We met in the middle and she held me in an extra-long, extra-silent hug.
The man I became... was not the man I had expected.
Follow the child. ~Maria Montessori
I’m so grateful or these teaching moments. Children have a way of teaching that eludes me, until it’s upon me. My own Circle of Freedom and Responsibility got turned on its head.
I didn’t know what to do, so I wrote this post to share.
Actually, finishing up this post a week later, I’m still a bit shaken up by the experience. If you know the feeling, please chime in. I could really use the support... as I’m sure we all could.
To Your Enlightenment Experience!
Craig
Creator EnlightenedChild.com
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