How to Get a Mentor?

It seems counter-intuitive... "Take a Millionaire to Lunch! but HE'S the one with all the money and I'm broke!"

What about the offering of gifts is so irresistible to Mentors?

Narcissism. The Mentoring relationship is more than merely training or teaching. It's probably got roots in some Freudian complex, which none-the-less means there's great power in the relationship.

Mentors are on a path. They have conquered the mountain, or are well on their way to it. They don't have time for nambi-pambi bologna. They want results because the results they are known for is what qualifies them as a potential mentor for you (or your child) in the first place.

WARNING: It's a common fallacy, and a sure set up for disappointment, to project guru status on someone who is expert in their field. This shows up most often in the way they are seen as expert in an omni-potent sense - they know it all... about everything - when really they may be woefully unqualified to mentor you(r child) in any other area. Think starving artist or pervert guru. They have one field of competence nailed - clearly to the detriment of other areas like sustenance and morality. So, just be careful of this.

So, mentors see themselves in the mentee. They won't work with someone in a TRUE mentoring capacity unless they can see the inner nature of the protege as clearly as they see their own hand. Everything else is just passing advice and well-wishing one another on your way. True mentoring is a durable, ongoing relationship that can last decades or lifetimes.

How do you find these potential mentors and then get them to mentor you(r child)?

Good question - because Mentors save you so much time and heartache it's not even funny. Taking a millionaire to lunch could change your life. So, don't hesitate when you see an opportunity to obtain even passing advice. And when you find someone you really feel is right for you - I mean, you've checked each other out in person, learned about what you each want in life, where you're going and how your mentor can help you get there... then you can follow these steps:

The steps for obtaining a mentor, as given to me by a mentor I'm courting:

1.) Identify a burning desire in your heart.

2.) Learn as much as you can about this on your own.

3.) Identify individuals who have gone and done what you envision going and doing.

4.) Approach them and interview them. It's always a mutual interview.

5.) Suggest a mentoring relationship - they may be experienced in this or not.

6.) Tell them you'd like to make a formal offering for them to consider.

7.) Prepare and deliver a package of some sort the represents something meaningful to the atmosphere or relationship dynamic that you are entering in to. Something that the Mentor can consider in the gestalt of his life and how much he is willing and able to commit to this process.

8.) Be on time for meetings, be professional with communications, keep all commitments in a timely fashion, and be generally grateful for all instruction and reflection.

9.) Watch for pathologies that may disrupt or interfere with a True Mentoring Relationship - never abdicate responsibility for your mental and emotional safety to ANYONE. You are your own best protector. Keep your eyes open.

10. Continually obtain new mentors on your journey of life. This will provide a blend of perspectives, and give you a roundtable of reference points to call on when advancing through life's choppy waters. Collect Mentors and keep in touch with them. They truly care about you and want to share your journey. The more you keep in touch, the easier you will find it to call on them even years down the road.

So, this is my run-down on Getting Mentors.

I'm sending a wooden box of natural tobacco to my chosen mentor. If he accepts, I will be heading to Vermont, near Burlington, to be Mentored as a Water Pourer for sweat lodges several times a year - Solstice and Equinox sweats.

Today I found the box I will send. So, this was on my mind.

Hope you find it helpful and certainly hope you're share it with your teens and their friends!

Cheers,

Craig

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